From Thatcher’s press pack to Strictly’s dance floor – ahead of his visit to Sturminster Newton, John Sergeant shares shocking biscuit news
Few journalists can claim to have been shoved aside by Margaret Thatcher’s press secretary, reported live from war zones and also waltzed their way (somewhat clumsily) into the nation’s hearts on Strictly Come Dancing. But John Sergeant is no ordinary journalist.
A veteran broadcaster with a career spanning more than five decades, John has interviewed prime ministers, reported from global conflict zones and witnessed history first-hand – standing at the Lincoln Memorial as Martin Luther King Jr. delivered his iconic I Have a Dream speech.
Yet, despite his serious journalistic credentials, it was his gloriously uncoordinated yet utterly charming stint on Strictly that cemented his status as a national treasure.
With the judges despairing and the public voting in their droves, he famously bowed out of the competition in week 10, saying: ‘The trouble is that there is now a real danger that I might win the competition. Even for me, that would be a joke too far.’
From Have I Got News For You to insightful documentaries on Britain’s history, John’s career has been nothing if not varied.
He will be coming to The Exchange in Sturminster Newton on Saturday 29th March for an evening of humorous and thought-provoking conversation filled with anecdotes and recollections about his career (and Strictly).
But today, we set aside politics and polkas to put him in the hot seat for some incisive, intelligent (and truly random) questions …
- What’s your relationship with Dorset?
When I was a child we used to holiday here – a fortnight in a wooden hut in Burton Bradstock. No electricity, no running water, and in the evenings our mother would sit by a paraffin lamp and read us stories. It was an unforgettable adventure. Later on, I filmed in Dorset for the One Show and made documentaries, and I often went sailing in Poole Harbour on a friend’s boat. But holidays when you are a child are always the best. - The last song you sang out loud in the car?
Singing in the car? I don’t do it! At my age, when you’re driving you just spend your time trying not to hit people.
You can’t just lean back and start singing. That would be madness. - The last film you watched? The last big film I made an effort to see in the cinema was Napoleon, directed by Ridley Scott. And it was AWFUL. Dreadfully boring and dull. And whatever you say about the real Napoleon, he wasn’t that.
We’d gone to all the effort of seeing it in the cinema, too – we were cheated. - It’s Friday night, you have the house to yourself, no work is allowed. What will you do?
I’d read some newspapers. I use PressReader on my iPad, and try and read half a dozen newspapers a day – around five in English, and one in French. Years ago I was the Paris correspondent for the BBC, and my French was terrible – I’m trying to catch up. I’d definitely do that job better now, just because my French has improved!
One of the others is the Wall Street Journal, just to try and see if I can figure out what Donald Trump is up to. I often don’t succeed at that. - The best biscuit for dunking.
I do not dunk. My mother would not have approved – it would have been letting the side down. She was born in Russia, and wanted to climb the social ladder. Dunking was not middle class enough. - What’s a sound that makes you happy?
Waves on the seashore. It takes me back to my childhood in Dorset. And lots of sailing trips around the world, with me at the helm. - What would you like to be remembered for?
Being amusing. I really do love to make people laugh. If I have made a joke that people find funny, it genuinely makes my day. Much more so than being brilliantly serious. - Your most annoying trait?
I am a morning person. And when I wake up I am hungry. My first thought is food, and I immediately need to start talking about it: what will we be eating today? And when? Where will we get it? Who’s going to cook it?
My wife Mary is not a morning person. She can’t think of a worse way of starting the day. She does get more interested and join in as the day goes along though. - What’s your secret superpower?
Concentration. Often to the distress of other people around me – I really go into another world. It’s been a very useful skill, and it allows me to remember small important details. It’s weirdly powerful.
- What was the last gift you gave or received?
My brother’s not been well, and I bought him a book while he’s been in hospital – called Orbital, it’s the last Booker prize winner. It was written by Samantha Harvey, a woman from Somerset who’s never been in space, and she’s written about six astronauts just sailing around the earth.
Now I’ve interviewed an astronaut myself, and listened to many others – and my god they’re dull. But this book is brilliant, it’s such crazy writing skill. It really shows the power of descriptive writing. It’s amazing. Pure talent. - What’s your favourite quote?
It’s an obvious one, but Seize The Day – carpe diem. Don’t waste a minute because life is short.
I just think any day in which you don’t learn, or do, or achieve, is a wasted day. - What’s your comfort meal?
In general I’m perfectly happy. But If I do need comforting, then it has to be good.
Let’s say a dozen oysters, with a very good bottle of white burgundy. If you’re going to comfort yourself, you’ve got to go over the top.
- What shop can you not resist?
La Galcante – it’s a small shop in Paris near Notre Dame that sells old cartoons, and old newspaper cuttings that you just can’t get anywhere else. I have to go in if I’m near. I’ll inevitably spend good money on something that, once it’s home, is never as funny as when I saw it in Paris. - What little luxury would you buy with £10?
A really expensive tin of speciality tea, preferably black leaf tea from Assam. I was once filming for the BBC on a tea plantation near Darjeeling in India. We were high in the mountains, surrounded by all the local women picking tea – and they all began to giggle, whispering and nudging each other. It turned out that one of them had told the others that I was there to look for a wife. I couldn’t talk to any of them after that without them starting to giggle – it’s such a fun memory. They couldn’t stop laughing at me. So a speciality tea from northern India isn’t just delicious, it reminds me of that special moment. I’ll happily travel 10,000 miles for a good joke. - The best crisps flavour?
None. It should be just plain crisps, lightly salted. Any other taste seems just silly. If you want cheese or vinegar, go out and buy some. - Tell us about a recent great evening
I went with my wife to the Royal Opera House – we had a brilliant meal in the Crush Room, and then saw a modern opera called Festen. Mary’s a teacher, and she had taught one of the cast.
It was an extraordinary show, not an easy watch, but it was a fantastic cast, the staging and lighting were superb … it really was top grade British talent. And I just thought if not London, where? Nowhere.
We all moan about the decline of Britain, but British talent is fantastically strong. It cheers me up. I spent far too much, mind … but it was a perfect evening.
- What in life is frankly a mystery to you?
Why my wife fancies certain famous people. I just don’t understand the strange fascinations. She’ll sometimes ask me to introduce her to someone and I’ll be entirely blank. I mean, yes, he’s alright, but no need to be silly … - You favourite book from last year?
The Collected Dorothy Parker.
She was such a brilliantly witty American writer, famous for founding a writing circle who used to meet at the Algonquin Hotel in New York. Just before Christmas I gave a series of talks on the Queen Mary, crossing the Atlantic, and when we got to New York, Mary and I stayed four nights at the Algonquin. It’s been refurbished but they still have a round table in the hall where she and other writers, including Groucho Marx, used to meet.
One of my favourite quotes of hers is ‘Never complain, never explain’ which of course the British Royal family adopted. It’s such a clever phrase. If you’re thinking about moaning – just don’t. Then if you’re feeling the need to start talking, to explain why the thing is bad, why you want to moan, why someone’s at fault … still don’t.
The other one I love is ‘Men seldom make passes at girls who wear glasses.’
It’s just so fun – and every word is chosen with care. The ‘seldom’ is the key word there, it’s just clever word play. And of course, short sighted girls can come right up close to you so they can see you, which is attractive! - You have the power to pass one law uncontested – what would you do?
Ban adults from riding their bikes on the pavement. It’s a clever one this. Because obviously it’s the teenagers who are the nuisance, but if you ban them, they’ll ignore it. BUT … if you allow little children to do it but ban the adults, teenagers are so desperate not to be seen as children that they’ll lump themselves into the adult ban voluntarily. See? It’s a sophisticated level of control.
An Audience with John Sergeant will be held at The Exchange in Sturminster Newton on Saturday, March 29th at 7:30pm. Tickets £20, available online:
stur-exchange.co.uk
